To Bee Honest…
Religious officials have wayyyyy too much power and authority in Nigeria and it’s really all kinds of ridiculous.
Last Saturday, I attended a wedding I’d been anticipating for months.
About an hour before the wedding was to start the heavens opened, you
might not know this, when it rains in Lagos it pours. No gentle
drizzling for this city, it’s a torrential downpour or nothing.
I’ve had to remind myself a number of times that we don’t have
tornadoes and hurricanes in this part of the world, and despite the
terrible winds we’re safe.
Anyway, we hunkered down at home, until the rain abated, it would
have been craziness to step out in that weather. To me it was a no
brainer that the bride would stay nice and dry inside her house. We
still made it to the church in decent time, and as expected the
wedding hadn’t started. I proceeded to study the church and people. If
you’ve ever been to a Nigerian wedding, you’ll know why I was studying
the people, Nigerians may have troubles in medicine, finance,
construction, name it, but we’re all fashionistas.
To help you visualize the church, this is all you need to know; it
was a traditional orthodox church. If you haven’t been to a church in a
while (or ever), here are a few more clues, think high ceilings, stained
glass windows, and hard wooden pews with even harder kneelers
(Hunchback of Notre Dame anyone? It obviously wasn’t as regal ). The
choir was stationed at the front of the church to the left and right of
the altar/sanctuary; their outfits terribly ill-suited for our climate.
Not only were they wearing heavy robes, they also had these funky
chiffon-lace neckpieces that came all the way up their necks, kinda like
a turtle neck. I was like people really? Do y’all realize you are in
the tropics, and the church is not air-conditioned? The neck pieces
weren’t even their original white anymore, but back to the original
story.
The wedding march begins, and the bride walks down the center aisle
on her father’s arm. I’m mentally and verbally congratulating her for
getting there only 20 minutes late. I settled down for a beautiful
wedding ceremony. No! That would have been way too easy, instead we got
to listen to Mr. Debbie Downer (deacon/pastor/priest) who in all his
wisdom, decided to keep the bride standing and scold her. I’m
paraphrasing here but the essence of his rant was, “You made the Bishop
of our diocese wait, there are Kabiyesis (local chiefs) here,
distinguished men and women who have come to celebrate with you and
you’ve kept them waiting”. I was completely aghast at this point,
looking around; I noticed similar expressions on everyone’s face, people
going “Haaaa!!!” with open mouths, but he was on a roll. Next I heard
him say “come here and apologize to everyone”. Now, it’s to my friend’s
credit that she’s a lot wiser than me because she actually apologized.
As for me and my household, the church wedding would have ended there
oh! I would have just said “To the reception hall everybody, thank
y’all for coming, you are far too kind”. I probably would have
regretted that, because the consequences would have been terrible.
Anyway, the wedding went on, the couple was married which was the most
important thing. An hour we were out of there and proceeded to have a
terrific party.
I was still getting over my Saturday experience, when I went to
church on Sunday and had another encounter with the clergy. This was my
first full church experience since coming back and quite honestly it was
a bit weird. I missed my church, the small intimate building, with the
sense of community. There wasn’t anything wrong with this church, but
it was so big and cold, there weren’t any familiar faces or people
smiling and saying hello**sniff**. I did sit behind the most adorable
little boy and he kept me company all through mass. At some point he
kept offering me his half eaten cracker, I knew if I attempted to take
it he would probably freak, so sadly I had to leave it alone.
Half way through the sermon, a few babies started crying and just
being babies. The priest interrupted his sermon to say “please control
your babies”. Ohhhhh!! I wanted to give him a piece of my mind; poor
babies were probably bored. But seriously, control them? I generally
don’t have a problem with the fact that Catholic priests remain single;
however, this would be a great argument for those who say they should
get married. If he had kids of his own, he would know that babies get a
bit fussy sometimes, and parents can’t go rushing out of church every
time their kid whimpers. We encourage parents to come to church, and we
want them to raise their kids in church. It’s only natural that we’ll
have some incidents like this. I would think a church congregation can
tolerate a few unhappy babies, and if they can’t something might be
lacking in the message they receive on Sunday….just saying.
On a positive note, we now have female altar servers in Nigeria, I
was so happy to see them. If I had that opportunity as a child, I would
have been all over that, even if it was just to show those boys that a
girl could do the job J
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